Be a Happifier!

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“The happiest people I know are NOT those who find their golden ticket; they are those who, while in the pursuit of worthy goals, discover and treasure the beauty and sweetness of the everyday moments.”     ~Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Sometimes we are so busy we do not take time to be grateful and be happy.

It is easy to be thankful for sunshine, for laughter, for colorful flowers, and even rain.  Too many times, we fail to think past the obvious.  We are so caught up in our busy schedules and we feel over-whelmed by our sometimes failures that we forget just how much there is in life to be grateful for and to be happy about.

My sister Cathy was known to be a “happifier” … that was her motto!  She loved making people happy.  If you did something for her … you could depend on her doing something to make you happy and show you how grateful she was.  Her funeral was highlighted with many stories of her efforts to make her family and friends happen.  It didn’t stop there … she wanted to make every man or woman on the street that she didn’t know happy too! Her legacy is so positive.  Her grand-children have tattoos to remember Cathy and her legacy of being and making others happy. What an awesome reminder to be happy, make others happy, and to remember my sister!

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Who DOESN’T want to live a healthy and happy life … I think the answer just might be “nobody.” So what are the differences between happy and unhappy people? What is the secret to a happy life? Is it love? Is it money? Is it a big house and fancy car? Is it a important career? Well guess what … I believe simply put, your thoughts have a more powerful effect on your happiness than you might think.

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To illustrate my thoughts … would each of you to look around the room you are in and find all the things you can that are blue. Now everyone close your eyes … no cheating.  Now think of the things you saw that were reddish. If you could not think of anything you saw that was reddish was it because you were intent on looking for blue that you did not even notice the beautiful reddish things.

Happiness works much the same way.  When we focus on what we do not have or our problems, soon that is all we can see.  What does this lead to: discontentment, being whiny, unsatisfied and definitely unhappy.  When we focus on our many beautiful reddish things too … the smaller amazing blessings, we become more and more aware of them.  This leads to be more content, grateful and happier.

Life is definitely too short to sit around and wait naively for perfect moments.  Thinking that happiness is going to fall right out of the sky, or walk into our lives is just NOT going to happen.  Being happy is a daily decision and requires commitment.  We must stop looking for happiness and start living happiness.

So today I have a two simple tips for you, for living a happier and healthier life.  It’s about first, choosing to be happy … then thinking about how to be happy!

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#1 Stop Negative Thinking.  A negative mind will never give you a positive life. Stop thoughts that are limiting and self-defeating like “I can’t do that“ or “I’m not good enough.” Don’t believe everything that you think. Negative thinking is unhelpful and will hold you back from achieving your goals and greater self-confidence. Replace negative thoughts with words that are positive and motivating. In the beginning, it may be difficult, but the more you repeatedly send positive messages to yourself, the better and happier you will feel.  I love the quote from Lisa Hayes:  “Be careful how you are talking to yourself because you are listening.”  Stop that half-empty things right now!

#2 Be Grateful.  Gratitude is an attitude and a way of living that has been shown to have many benefits in terms of health and happiness. Feeling and expressing gratitude, instead of wanting more and more, turns our mental focus to the good and happy things in life. Which will create more things to be grateful for. I have a “Gratitude Journal” that I try to write in daily.  I only write positive things.  When I feeling down or sad, I go back and read my journal and realized how blessed I am even with daily trials and problems.  As you awake each morning, give thanks for your blessings and the life that you do have. Life is a gift, never forget that.

The best quote ever by an unknown author:  “The happiest people don’t have the best of everything … they just make the best of everything they have.”  OK … become a happifier too!

Just saying …

Charlie Brown Inspired

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“Never jump into a pile of leaves with a wet sucker!” … Charlie Brown  

Several weeks ago during one of our church services, a tidbit of wisdom struck my thoughts. OK, maybe I wasn’t paying attention as I should have been.  But it occurred to me that if we were to slow down our lives, we would be able see Heavenly Father’s purpose for our life more clearly. I don’t know about you, but many time I find myself speeding through life only trying to “eat, drink and be merry”! My true belief is that the purpose of my life is not just to be happy (which sometimes can in itself be hard)  … life is to be useful, to be compassionate, to be honorable and to be of service to other. The scriptures tell me and my Savior instructs me to strive for a life that makes a difference in not only my life but others as well … that I lived and lived well according to his words!

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My post today comes from the daily comic strip ‘Peanuts’ … which if we pay attention to, can often teach us. Every day, the whole Charlie Brown gang provides laugh-out-loud moments while at the same time offering daily inspiration and lessons on life. Let me share today with you two of the leadership lessons I have found from Good Ole Charlie.

  1. Persistence wins out. Charlie Brown often loses … he fails at much, but he never gives up. For instances, even though he knew Lucy was going to pull the football away before he could kick it…. Even though he knew the tree was going to eat his kite… Even though he knew his team would lose the ball game … he always kept on trying. I know it’s hard to be rejected … it’s hard to feel you don’t matter. We MUST keep knocking on doors of opportunity no matter how many are slammed shut.

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I love this photo.  Even though the tree had fallen … it persisted and continued to thrive!  We too can do this!

I know that I have mentioned this several times over the years, but Jeffrey R. Holland’s short video gives me more hope on NOT giving up.  Here’s part of his words.  “Don’t give up … Don’t you quit. You keep walking. You keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead—a lot of it. You keep your chin up. It will be all right in the end. Trust God and believe in good things to come.”  When I feeling a bit down or out of sorts, I always go to this video … it gives me hope and peace.  In case you want to watch it, you can find it at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8nczw6xHJ0I   It’s worth the 4 plus minutes of your time.

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I can’t leave my persistence part without mentioning past N.C. State Coach Jim Valvano! That’s me standing by his statue on NC State’s Campus.  I will never forget the speech he gave at the ESPY awards ceremony when he was honored by being awarded the Arthur Ashe Courage Award on March 4, 1993.  Quoting Coach Valvano:  “There are 86,400 seconds in a day. It’s up to you to decide what to do with them. Don’t give up, don’t ever give up. Never give up! Failure and rejection are only the first step to succeeding.”

If you give up on your hopes and dreams, you will not live the unique life you were meant to live … a life that Heavenly Father created you for. If you believe that you can succeed, and do not listen to those who says otherwise, with persistence, discipline and faith in yourself you will reach and travel far in this life. Quoting Dr. Seuss: “Oh, the Places You’ll Go!”  Let try to be more like Charlie Brown!

  1. It’s what you think of yourself that matters most. You know that Linus has carried a security blanket for years and his friends laugh at him. They also laugh at him because he believed in the ‘Great Pumpkin.’ Pigpen was a walking cloud of dust and dirt and was often regarded as unkindly. Both characters, however, were always proud of themselves and believed they were as good as anybody else — and they were right.

Lucille Ball said it best:  “Love yourself and everything falls in line.”  So how do we accomplish this?  The first thing we need to do is let go of what we can’t control.  That’s a mouthful and is really hard to do.  Everyone wants everyone to like us.  Too many times we fall into the trap of believing that if I could just do and say all the right things, then people would like me.  Why do we put this pressure on ourselves?  The thing is, we can’t control what others think of us or how they experience life.  We … I repeat … we are responsible for our own actions and intentions.  I myself am trying really hard to focus more of my time and energy on living in a way that reflects my own personal values instead of trying to control what other people think of me.  The only person we really should be trying to impress is our Heavenly Father and he has given us plenty of instructions on how to live!

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Quoting Diane Von Furstenberg:  “You’re always with yourself, so you might as well enjoy the company.”  Loving our self and taking care of our self, can bring miracles into our lives!  Let’s learn to love our self. Let’s think of our self enough to take the actions required for our happiness. Who in the world needs our drama-filled past? Let’s love our self enough to move on, remember that we too matter, and be happy. Have an unshakable faith in yourself to become everything you want to be.”  In other words:  Stand tall, walk tall … you are a child of a loving Heavenly Father! You are meant to be right where you are at this moment in time!

I follow the blog of Greg Trimble, from California … he is one of my favorite bloggers.  In his latest blog posting he said: “The only thing we can do is try to be our best selves and let others think what they may. But… when we’re being our best self, we need to be our best self for ourselves and not because we want others to be impressed by our best self.”  Very profound statement!

I have a wonderful idea … Let’s be more like Charlie Brown …being persistent and loving our self!

Just saying ….

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Broken Shells

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Its been a while since I have posted anything on my blog … but it has been on my mind. So here goes ….  I love visiting Wilmington where my son Paul and his family live.  While there, I always try to visit my favorite place on earth … the beach.  Every year I take my family to Topsail Island, located near Wilmington, for our annual family vacation.  Every morning during our week on the island,  I get up and watch the sun rise.  I set my alarm, look outside to see if its clear enough to see the sun rise, grab my camera, and find a comfortable area to sit and watch.  Every single sun rise is amazing!  Its my favorite moments every day.  It gives me a sense of peace like nothing else.  Another thing we do each day is walk along the beach and look for pretty shells and sharks teeth along the seashore .  

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We even pick up beautiful broken shells. My daughter Kimbo has taught me to appreciate the beauty in broken shells!  We have many jars of broken shells on display in our home.  Even though they are broken and battered, they have beautiful colors and pretty edges and intricate beauty.  Each of us are like these shells. We get tumbled, torn and scarred on our journey called life. In essences, we are all broken shells!  None of us have arrived where we are today completely unscathed or untouched by life situations.  Our battered and broken shells also are a reminder that each of Heavenly Father’s children have a special, unique beauty or talent all their own.  Isn’t it wonderful that we can also help others to see their uniqueness by taking the time to look for the unique beauty in others that are scattered on our path in life.

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In all of my shell searching along the beach, I have only found one small starfish with one of it’s points broken.  It’s still very beautiful.  I consider it as one of my most treasured finds.

I am sure you have heard the old story of an older man walking along a beach who finds a young man throwing starfish back into the ocean.  When he asked the young man why he was doing it … because there were so many laying in the sand and that he couldn’t possibly throw all of them back into the ocean.  The young man replied, “It sure makes a difference to that one!” as he threw another one back into the ocean. A small act of service!

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Isn’t this our Savior’s message to the world.  Love one another!  Serve others! My message is to encourage you to do one small thing that blesses just one someone. It only takes one small act to make a difference! It doesn’t have to be costly … kindness is free! One of our family’s annual favorite service act is serving Thanksgiving Lunch at our local Community Outreach Center.  Knowing that we are helping families be able to celebrate Thanksgiving with their families with a good meal brings us so much happiness.

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One of my favorite quotes comes from a great man, Spencer W. Kimball, who said: ““God does notice us, and he watches over us. But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs. Therefore, it is vital that we serve each other.”  I also love the African Proverb:  “If you think you are too small to make a difference … you haven’t spent a night with a mosquito!”

Another great man, Thomas S. Monson, gave us more insight on serving others. “To find real happiness, we must seek for it in a focus outside ourselves. No one has learned the meaning of living until he has surrendered his ego to the service of his fellow man. Service to others is akin to duty, the fulfillment of which brings true joy.”   Isn’t that great advice!

What you do does makes a difference … you just have to decide what kind of difference you want to make.  Be the “difference maker” in life! It does matter to that one!

Just saying …

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Life Without Weeds

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Ken and I used to have a big garden behind my mother’s home.  We raised plenty of vegetables for our little family to either eat immediately or to can for later enjoyment.  The part about gardening I disliked the most was definitely weeding.  Weeds grow pretty fast in our North Carolina climate.  Weeding always made me feel a little discouraged as we had invested our time and attention into something that was easily overgrown if full attention was given … I also felt a little frustrated.

I can hear Ken’s words telling me to be sure and dig down to the root otherwise the weeds would just come back and he would have to pull it again later. One of my mother’s favorite sayings when I was growing up was “a job worth doing is worth doing right the first time.”  I guess these wise words are for weeding too.  I sure didn’t want Ken to catch me hastily pulling what was visible so that I could give him the appearance of a job well-done … hurrying so I could go do things that I thought was more important.

I could also sense a little bit of pride and hope as I did pull those large weeds free from the soil. I knew our little garden would be so much better off without these large weed stealing valuable nutrients and water from the veggies we were trying to grow … veggies we had watered and weeded continually.

I still remember a couple of things about gardening with Ken. First, weeds always start out small, but if ignored they grow into something huge and hard to uproot.  Take Kudzu for an example.  Like most invasive species, the Kudzu has no natural enemies, which allows it to grow relatively unhindered. This is particularly bad because the Kudzu vine is one of the fastest growing plants in the world, sometimes averaging feet a day. In fact, the Kudzu has devoured so many forests in the southern United States that it’s been given the nickname “The Vine That Ate the South”. Ken hated Kudzu … it hindered plenty of his surveying work.  He always said it was one gigantic super-weed.  But it does start out small like all weeds if left unattended.  Secondly, and importantly, weeds will always grow back.

Jimmie has been getting his and Kimbo’s garden ready.  This has brought back these memories of my gardening days.  I immediately remembered how I hated pulling out weeds. There is this thing that Kimbo and I always try to do … look for a spiritual analogy by searching for positive thoughts and any learning principles I could gather.  I began to think of spiritual analogies of pulling weeds and weeding my life.

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This led to my asking myself:  How many weeds have taken root in my life? How many things have I let slide or not given my time and attention into that are choking out the Spiritual plants I am trying to grow? How can I tell the difference between a weed and plant when it is so easy to mistake one for the other? Am I watering weeds as I water my plants?

We can choose what seeds we plant in our garden.  We can plant seeds of being positive, of love and abundance.  We also can plant seeds of negativity, fear and lack.  Some of us will even spend time trying to take care of everyone else’s garden.  We need to let our work be on making ours garden beautiful and attract other beautiful people.

I love the words from President Gordon B. Hinckley:  “Without hard work .. nothing grows but weeds!”

If what we are investing our time and energy into isn’t growing crops of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control, then we definitely need to look closely to be sure it isn’t a bunch of overgrown weeds we have grown. If it is a weed, we have to be willing to reach down into the dirt and pull it out before it grows and starts choking out the important things we are working so hard to grow.

Just like the weeds that I ended up watering along with my plants, the weeds we let grow will begin to choke out the crops in our garden that we want to grow in our lives. I have let some weeds grow in my garden and in my life that need to be effectively dealt with … immediately.

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Spiritual weeds don’t start out looking like weeds! When they begin stealing the time and attention away from the Plan of Happiness that our Heavenly Father has for our lives, it becomes easier to see them for the weeds that they are. Sadly, it doesn’t take much for Satan to plant his weeds in our minds. He knows our weaknesses and sends out small thoughts or attitudes for us to deal with.  I think we all could benefit from being a little more aware of what we are watering and tending in our lives.

In Matthew 13 Jesus tells his disciples the Parable of the Sower, and uses the image of weeds to explain how daily life can interrupt our faith.

“The one who received the seed that fell among the thorns is the man who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke it, making it unfruitful. But the one who received the seed that fell on good soil is the man who hears the word and understands it. He produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown.” – Matthew 13:22

If we let daily weed problems overwhelm us, our faith will wither and die, or if we allow ourselves to get too comfortable in our faith, we’ll end up stunting our growth.

So this week I challenge you to do two things: First take an inventory of the weeds in your lives. Secondly, you must perform a “weedectomy” on them. No two of us have exactly the same weeds. For some people, things are weeds that barely bother others. However, we all have weeds in the garden of our heart that can and will crush out faith and spiritual welfare if we let them grow. If we want to be the disciples Heavenly Father calls us to be, one of the first things we must do is cut the weeds out of our lives or burn them to the ground so that they no longer choke our faith.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have some weeding and watering that I need to do in my own garden. I waste my time on too many unimportant things and have many different kind and size weeds.  I want a good harvest.  Would you like to join me?

 

Laughter Heals!

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What! Laugh!  Laugh Often!  Too many folks believe that there is not anything funny about life or the life they are living … especially if you are sick.  While I was going through cancer treatment I found that laughing was one of the best healing resources that I had access to.  It is during the one time in your life when you think there isn’t a darn thing to laugh about that you need to laugh the most.  Believe me when I say that humor helps to keep you from falling into the biggest danger pit … depression.  Too survive, choose to enjoy the moments of laughter.

I am beginning to believe that my new reputation is that of a crazy lady because of the humor I post on Facebook daily.  I choose to do this because I really do believe that a person needs to laugh at least once a day.  It’s my little way of helping out my friends in a small way to enjoy life.  I hope that everyone enjoys my posts and are laughing! Besides there is way too much negative and hateful stuff on Facebook that is meant to bring us down!

I love true stories that teach us lessons we need to hear.  I have a notebook full of great stories.  So here goes a good one.  Many years ago, American author Norman Cousins was diagnosed as “terminally ill”. He was actually given six months to live. He could see that worry, depression and anger in his life was contributing to his ill health, and perhaps helped cause, his disease. He wondered, “If illness can be caused by negativity, can wellness be created by positivity?” He decided to make an experiment of himself. Laughter was one of the most positive activities he knew so he began to rent all the funny movies he could and read funny stories. One of his favorite TV shows was “Candid Camera.”  His pain was so great that many nights he could not sleep. Then he discovered that laughing for 10 solid minutes relieved the pain for several hours so he could sleep. He fully recovered from his illness and lived another 20 happy, healthy and productive years. He wrote a book about his experiment entitled “Anatomy of an Illness as Perceived by the Patient: Reflections on Healing.” He fully credits laughter for his recovery.

Like Norman Cousins, I too believe that laughter and being positive just might be the reason that I’m still handing around in pretty decent health.  My own cancer diagnosis of one of the most aggressive cancers, could have definitely brought me down.  But we, as a family, chose to be positive at all stages of the game and use laughter as a coping mechanism.  I’m sure that the folks at Duke University Cancer Center thinks the Talbot Clan is a bit strange from all the laughter, singing and noises coming out of my examination rooms while we waited for the doctors!  I’m not saying that laughter cured me (because TNBC is really not curable), but it definitely has been an overall positive effect on my health.

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Too many people think that laughter is a waste of time. They say it is a luxury, a frivolity, something to indulge in only every so often. Nothing could be further from the truth. Laughter is essential to our well-being, to our aliveness, to bringing us joy. If we are not well, laughter can help us get well. If we are well, laughter helps us stay that way.   I’m not saying you should start creepily chuckling whenever life gets tough and ignore the tragedy or sadness completely (but creepy laughing is fun) — but the balance you choose can be the difference between victory and defeat … positive or negative outcomes. In times of pain and struggles, remember that humor is your friend.  Even the Savior said “that man is that he might have joy!”  Laughter does brings joy!

So my medical advice to you today using my Doctorate Degree from Google University  …  add laughter to your day!  It’s the best therapy ever and truly good for the soul. It costs nothing to laugh and it has so many benefits to your health and attitude about life. To gain these benefits, I try to make it a point to laugh each day.

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Let me share with you my favorite illustration of laughter.  I’m showing my age but do you remember the classic episode of the Mary Tyler Moore Show, “Chuckles Bites the Dust.”  In that episode, Mary and her WJM-TV coworkers attend the funeral of Chuckles the Clown.  Chuckles is a character on the station who unexpectedly dies after grand marshaling a circus parade dressed as a peanut. Mary spends most of the episode chastising her coworkers for making jokes about the situation. But during Chuckles’ funeral, Mary starts laughing and can’t stop. When the preacher delivering the eulogy sees Mary, he tells her, “Don’t try to hold it back. Laugh for Chuckles!” At that point, Mary bursts into hysterical sobbing. I believe it is one of the best TV episodes of all time for more than its humor; it points out an irony of life … when faced with stress or sadness, we can laugh and we can cry.

In the words that my granddaughter Katie would use … “Mammie (that’s what my grandchildren call me), laughter has been scientifically proven as a very powerful force. When we laugh, our bodies release endorphins and dopamine … you know: nature’s feel-good chemicals. And … We can better cope with stress, find hope, and see problems in new ways.”  I love to kid with that girl … she’s so darn smart!

My advice is to always surround yourself with happy positive people and those who also make you laugh with them, at them or at yourself. My mother used to say that if you can’t laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at?

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Charlie Chaplin wisely observed that “A day without laughter is a day wasted!” Good Ole Charlie knew what he was talking about.  His life was punctuated with so many struggles and losses, yet he managed to be remarkably strong and made a career as a brilliant comedy actor.  I have a picture in my bedroom that reminds me of this every morning! The photo has the words “The MOST wasted of all Days is ONE without LAUGHTER!”

I am so very thankful that my Heavenly Father gave me a good sense of humor.  It has sure gotten me through so many times when life could have held me back in a deep hole.  Right before my sister passed away, she helped those of us sitting around the Hospice room with laughter so many times.  I can still hear her answer the nurse’s question of “how’s your pain?”  My sister would look at me and answer … “I don’t know … ask her … she sitting over there (as she always pointed at me)!”  Cathy was one of the biggest “happifier” that I ever met!  I love and miss her dearly! 

One of my very favorite quotes that reminds me to laugh and to seek joy in my life came from Jimmy Valvano in what I call his “Don’t Ever Give Up” speech.  Here’s the quote:  “To me, there are three things we all should do every day. We should do this every day of our lives. Number one is laugh. You should laugh every day. Number two is think! You should spend some time in thought. And number three is, you should have your emotions moved to tears, could be happiness or joy. But think about it. If you laugh, you think, and you cry, that’s a full day. That’s a heck of a day. You do that seven days a week, you’re going to have something special.”  These words have always inspired me!

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A friend sent me this cartoon last week.  I thought it was so funny … and so true.  Priorities … each day make laughter  a priority too!  Each day can bring hope and joy … it’s really up to you and your attitude!  I choose to laugh often!  Just saying…

 

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

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Six years ago on June 19, 2012, my life was forever changed! That was the day when it went from “you have cancer” to “your surgery was a success.”  Six years as a survivor … so far so good!

Unless you have experienced cancer, or another horrible disease, you cannot begin to grasp the reality of the disease. Some days I am amazed that I am still functioning after those very harsh treatments for Triple Negative Breast Cancer. I have had chemotherapy and radiation, felt like death, fought the best way I know how, never gave up, prayed always, worshiped every Sunday, laughed a lot, cried just as much, worried, not worried, mourned new losses, enjoyed life, lived each day to its fullest, and gave the best of me. I have come to love me! I am a new me with a new normal … remember my Plan “D” …or is it “E?”

I have found strength that I once thought was beyond my reach! I have accepted that I am different from many others! I have made priorities and dismissed as much negativity from my life as possible. I have fallen deeper in love with my Heavenly Father and His Son, my husband who is always in my thoughts, my children and grandchildren who keep me going, my family and friends who give me hope, and most of all … life! I have met other survivors who motivate and inspire me! Yes, my life was and has forever been changed since six years ago when I heard those words “you have cancer.”

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October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and so I have been thinking about my life since that day and how many blessings I have enjoyed!  Yes … there are many … and from many areas!  Let me share one of my biggest blessings other than my family.

How a community treats each other says much about who we really are. Respect, compassion, service, kindness and integrity hold our society together. I am so blessed to belong to many communities (my little town, church and family communities) that really care about each other.  Just check out Facebook any day and you will find prayers offered up, good deeds being done, or money being raised for someone in our community.

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I am thankful to belong to such a community … They have been and are a daily blessing!  When I needed lifted there were so many people with acts of kindness for me that touched me in such a way that motivate me to pay it forward as best I can, every single day!

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Here’s the moral of my blog today … we ALL can give compassion, encouragement and hope. So to really spread and honor BREAST CANCER AWARENESS MONTH, let’s all make an extra special effort to lift and bless others with our smiles, our hugs, compliments, and kindness. We can be generous with our time, treat others like they really do matter, and be sensitive to their feelings and their needs.   More often than not, these are things that do not cost money.  Rather, they are gifts of our love, and of our self. Through these simple actions we can ease the difficulties of those we love.  We are all in this together! …So let’s see what we can do! Look around yourself right now and find someone that needs support, encouragement and hope. You have it within yourself to give.   If you want to be happy and to get your mind off your own problems … do something for someone else!   Real happiness doesn’t come from selfishness, but by being selflessness.  Everything you do comes back around.  In life you get what you put in.  When you make a positive impact in someone else’s life, you also make a positive impact in your own life.

ALSO … Let’s not forget to thanks those that help us through our difficult times … They deserve to know how wonderful they are too!  Be the reason someone smiles today … then two people feel better!

Just saying! …

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Lessons from Life

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In a couple of days I will be 72 years old … WOW, I am old!  At this age, I wish that I had known some of things I have learned over my life just a bit earlier.

One of my all-time favorite books is “Ten Things I Wish I’d Known Before I Went Out into the Real World” by Maria Shriver.  When I purchased the book my immediate thoughts were … come on Maria, the real world … what would you know about the real world?  Maria grew up a Kennedy and married one of the biggest movie stars of all time! That aside, it got me thinking: What are some things I wish I would have known before going out into the real world? So, here are three of mine:Phyllis 1

  • Life isn’t fair. My mom’s favorite come-back line.  What did she know?  I remember thinking that I would grow up and show her that those who work hard and do what is right are the real winners.  Well I guess she showed me!  Life isn’t fair!  Too many times the bad guy wins.  People play favorites.  Good people die young.  Good people get really sick.  Good people get dumped on every day. Even President John F. Kennedy realized this fact of life when he said: “Life isn’t fair.  It never was and never will be!”  It’s hard to accept but we should still strive to do our best, work hard, dream big, and above all … do what is right!  Life is hard! And do it definitely isn’t fair.  That fact really hurts like hell sometimes.  But if you focus on what is within your power to change for the better, you can be happy even if it isn’t fair!.

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  • Pleasing others gets you nothing. Most of the time, people liking or disliking you has nothing to do whatsoever with sensible thought. Some people will dislike you, no matter how well you have done, and others will love you unconditionally no matter what you have done. We tip toe around life by doing things in order to please others, not because it’s what we believe in. We go through days thinking about how other people might be judging us. How are these pants going to make me look? What will my friends think if I spoke out? Are those people talking about me behind my back? Just remember that it’s better to be loved by a few people you care about than to be liked by everyone.  Forget about worrying about what other people might be thinking about you.  They aren’t concerned about you.  They are way too busy worrying about what you and other folks think of them.

Mistakes & Failures

  • Mistakes and failures are actually good. Failure is not the end of the world.  People seldom care that you fail … they have their own challenges and lives to worry about. Success in life comes from not giving up despite mistakes and failure. It comes from being persistent. Negative experiences, mistakes and failure can sometimes be even better than a success because it teaches you something totally new, something that success could never teach you. Whenever you have a negative experience ask yourself: where is the opportunity or blessing in this? One negative experience can – with time – help you create many very positive experiences. Remember that first time you tried to ride your bike … you fell off, bruised your knee and cried a bit. But you got up, brushed yourself off and got on that bike again and eventually you learned how to ride it. If you just use that same perseverance instead of giving up after you fail, you will learn and experience more success. Remember that mistakes are proof that you are at least trying!  Folks are always telling me that we learn from our mistakes.  Well if that is true … I decided that I should soon be a genius with all the mistakes I have made in life!  Mistakes are your greatest teachers!

My three lessons aren’t the positive things anyone would like to focus on, but they are true. These were lessons that I learned after getting into the real world. We need to be aware of the bad things in life and choose to stay positive through tough times.  It’s sometimes hard to do, but you be a whole bunch better with positive thoughts. That’s why I say that life is worth living no matter how expensive or painful the lessons I’ve had to learn. Life is good and I know that I can still make it better! I’m so glad that I learned these life lessons. I hope you can live and learn too!

Just saying …