This Too Shall Pass

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“Life is not the way it’s supposed to be … it’s the way it is.  The way you cope is what makes the difference.”   `Virginia Satir

Each morning I wake up, I have a choice to determine the direction that I want that day to take.  I can go into default mode and wake up worried and fearful about the things I have no control over … or I can make the conscious decision to choose the kind of day I want to experience.  Many times the events of the day happen so quickly that, we get caught up in the drama and feel that we don’t have a choice.  Things just happen.  Bad things do happen to good people.  No one gets through this life without struggles!  Everybody has battles to fight … everybody!  No one’s life is perfect!

But, even in the midst of confusion … we do have a choice in how we react to our circumstances.  No matter what happens, I get to choose how I react to it.  I will admit that this is very difficult to do when life smacks you right in the face. But if we intentionally set the tone for our day BEFORE we jump into it … it will be a heck of a lot better.  Really … that’s the truth.  Personally I find that the first 15 minutes of the day are the most important for me.  It’s sort of like putting the train on the right track at the beginning of the day … rather than trying to clean up a derailed train later in the day.  It’s so easy to get sucked into being negative … remember that fact!

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Case in point:  This morning I got up, read through my emails, send out a few “how are you” and “thinking of you” emails before even getting out of bed. I love letting people know how important they are in my life.  I was feeling pretty happy while getting ready for work because they were were giving me a good-bye luncheon at work today and I was also feeling grateful that tomorrow is my last day of working at Edgecombe Community College.  I will miss them, but the prospects of new adventures is pretty exciting.  When I got to work, I received a terrible disheartening phone call.  I have been completing some major repairs to the home I own, getting it ready to sell.  The repairman informed me that last night’s storm took off shingles from the end of my house and, flooded the ceilings, causing the ceilings and insulation to fall into the floor in two of the  bedrooms.  Sheetrock, insulation and rain water all over the two bedroom floors.  I will not lie … this really knocked me for a gigantic loop.  I was three weeks from having it ready to sell.  I am not going to lie … I cried a few tears.

7Immediately a phrase that my Ken used to quote came to my mind.  “Remember Phyllis, this too shall pass.  It’s not going to affect your eternal salvation.”   Then I thought crossed my mind that it might, if I don’t stop swearing at this moment!

All things come and go.  Actually … change is the only thing that is constant in our lives. … And I have had to deal with plenty of change!  I know that what may appear to be a mountain in front of me, will soon be a molehill behind me.  It always does.  Knowing that “this too shall pass” does enable me to get through anything.  This knowledge has gotten me through so many things in my life.  I have been blessed.

I just have to keep the faith.  When scary things happen to me, I remember the faith I have in my loving Heavenly Father and my Savior, and that everything will unfold as it should.  I am a child of God.  My challenge is not to deal with what may appear as a humongous problem … my challenge is to find the blessing in the situation.  If you look hard enough you might just find a gift in what’s happening around you.

There are two things that I have going for me: 1) I am surrounded by people who support me.  2) and I realize that I am not alone.

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Contrary to popular belief it does not work to just put on a brave face and soldier on.  I speak from experience with that statement.  I’m very stubborn … just ask Kimbo!  Sometimes we (talking to myself) have a false idea in our heads of what it means to be strong. Accepting help and allowing our family and friends in to help is not a sign of weakness!  It takes courage to let people in … it is humbling.  I love the quote by Lea McEwan:  “Generosity is not just a gift to be given but a gift to be received.”

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This is my support group … and they are amazing.  Today they hit me full force with love and support when I was having that mini pity party.  They reminded me of how tough I am, what I’ve already gone through and just how blessed I am.  They helped me see the beauty and possibilities of life.  They will be there for me with their “you got this attitude” … pushing me to the top of this big mountain.   I will not be on this climb alone.  Not only do I have an awesome support group, but I have the knowledge that I have a loving Heavenly Father and

Savior walking beside me … sometimes even carrying me!  I could not have functioned during so many difficult times in my life without that knowledge.  I am so thankful … and I am so blessed.

My suggestion to you … those of you who are going through your own trials … is to put these ideas into action in your own life.  Let me know how it works for you.  You and I are walking the same path here in mortality.  We are all just trying to get back home to Heavenly Father.  We have to support each other.  That’s definitely what it’s all about.  The difficult times we go through will start to seem less significant when we compare it to everything that is going right in our lives.  If you need me … just give me a call … hopefully will not be in the midst of my own personal rough day..

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By now I bet that you have figured out that this blog posting is aimed straight for my heart, mind and soul … pointing my finger at myself and reminding myself that my attitude will either lift me up … or bury me in a pit of despair!  I know that when I take the time to stop and count my blessings … my problems seem not as severe as I originally thought.  Believe me when I say … being GRATEFUL helps tremendously.  Remember that when you count your blessings a world of abundance opens up to you.  Gratitude is the quickest path to happiness and peace of mind.  If what you focus on grows … then please let it be gratitude.

Just focus on moving forward.  Even if you are still a long way from where you want to be … you are further down the road from where you were.

Just saying …

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Stand Up Scout

ACC Docket on Twitter: "Why helping others makes you a more ...

“Having influence is not about elevating self, but about lifting others!”  ~Sheri Dew

In our lives, we meet new and interesting people every day … of course not lately with this “Stay at Home” order. I believe, there are certain people who make an impact on us, affecting us for the rest of our lives. Every one of you has by now encountered at least one person who has impacted your life.  This would be someone who is outside of your family who made a difference.  I have a specific person who made a difference in my life along time ago when I was going through a very difficult time.  As a nineteen year old, a gentleman from my church, who lived about an hour away, was there for me when I had left home for a few months.  Knowing that I was extremely lonely and emotionally suffering, he visited me weekly to let me know that I was a “Child of God” with so much potential.  He built me up in so many ways, not because of any church assignment he had, but because he cared about people around him.  He moved from North Carolina many years ago and I never got to tell him thank you … but he changed my life.  I can look at my children and grandchildren and can name a coach or mentor that had a major impact on who they became.  My son Paul’s swim coach, John Richards, was not only a coach but a friend and mentor.  My granddaughter Katie’s soccer coach, Coach Leshaun Jenkins, was also a mentor and friend … teaching her about life off the soccer field.

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Of all the characters that I’ve “met” through books and movies, one character always stands out as someone that I want to be like. That is Atticus Finch from “To Kill a Mockingbird” … one of my very favorite books! He was just an ordinary man from a very small town, like mine, who had a positive effect on those around them. I cry every time I read or watch the minister in the balcony say “Stand up Scout … Mr. Finch is passing.”   Everyone should want to be like Atticus!  He is a symbol of what is good, honest, and wise. When the story of our town is written, wouldn’t it be great if each of us were included as someone who symbolized those things? I’m quite sure if the story included Atticus’ childhood, it would read that he probably emulated someone who had been an influence in his life. It is simply amazing how everything around us shapes and carves our character. One person can make a huge difference in your life whereas ten people altogether might never change you.

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This photo is from one of the times I have tried to “be the one” … to help my community.  At Thanksgiving my family and I work the first half of the day at our local Community Homeless Outreach Shelter.  It is one of my most cherished times during the year … serving meals to others.  I do this to not only serve, but to Honor Sister Mary Anne, an example to our community on helping others. So, what’s my point today.  Nobel Peace Prize winner Albert Schweitzer once said, “Example is not the main thing in influencing others… It is the only thing.” People look at what you do, more than listen to what you say. To be a positive influence, you must live the life you’d like to see others live.   Bottom line … You never know who you are influencing for good!  I bet each of you are someone’s shining example and influence right now!  I had a shining example to follow … my good friend Kathy Munday, who fought cancer for 13 years, after being given 6 months to live. She never gave up … and lived a full life of service while extremely ill and not feeling well. I never got to tell her that she became my shining example. She passed away several years before I was diagnosed with cancer. I followed her example and continue today. Whether we know it or not, we are all making a difference.  But during this specific time in our lives right now, being ordered to shelter at home, how can we make a difference?

In his book, “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” Andrew Carnegie notes that one of the most powerful ways to influence another person is to make them feel important, and show that you care. During the last year, my church began what we call a ministering program.  Each member began to do as the Savior did in ministering to all.   Ministering is Christlike caring for others and helping meet their spiritual and temporal needs.  We are  the Savior’s other “good Samaritans” on earth.  Even though we are in our own homes, we can still reach out to others and check on our friends.  During the last week I have enjoyed calling friends and asking how their toilet paper supply is holding up.  It’s a good way to start a conversation.  A call can really cheer someone up that is at home dealing with all sorts of new problems.  You don’t even have to call … send them a special message on your computer.  We all need each other to get us through this horrible pandemic that is taking its toil on so many.  We don’t have to be sick with the corona-virus because it is affecting all parts of our lives … work … food … protective gear … and yes, even toilet paper!

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So, my challenge to you this week is: Pay attention to those around you.  Deliver sincere messages  of cheer to others who need encouraging words. By focusing on this, you are sure to bring out the best in those around you, including yourself! Now more than ever the world really needs caring, positive influences to make it a better place for each of us to live … to make each day brighter.  This “stay at home” directive is really hard on seniors … they miss their families. It’s hard on caregivers … having to be home without help 24/7. It’s hard on parents having to occupy their children’s mind and energy all day … and provide education too. It’s hard on families having to live without steady income … stuck at home not knowing where to look for help. Be someone that makes a positive difference! Call, email, write notes … listen to their words and tones. Let’s not just settle on spreading light … let’s be the mirror that reflects it too! Be the one!

Just Saying …

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

Barefoot and Unprepared

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These past few weeks has been a bit interesting … this coronavirus is scary.  Everyone is asking “Are you prepared?”

To start off I’m going to tell you one of my sister Cathy’s favorite story.  She was a lover of sports.  She would not be happy today with all the canceled sporting events  … especially the basketball tournaments.  When she heard this story given by Howard W. Hunter at a conference … she fell in love with it and told it often.  The story tells of a quarterback on the football team of a small, rural high school. This young man managed to make the team, but it was clear that he was not going to be all-state or all-American. In fact, he was the fourth of four quarterbacks.  By the last game of the season, he had never been called into a game, and he had given up all hope of playing. During the final game of the year he decided to relax and enjoy himself, so he pulled off his shoes, wrapped himself in a blanket, and settled down on the bench to watch his buddies play.

Midway through the game he heard the coach shout his name. He was startled and wondered if he had been mistaken. Then the coach called again, “Hey, you! Get in there and move the ball!”  What should he do? He wanted to say, “Wait, coach, while I put on my shoes.” But instead, he made straight for the huddle, his stocking feet conspicuous to the players, the spectators, and the coach.

Being called into the game made him very nervous and he was confused as he called his first play, and by the time he took the snap from center, he had forgotten which play he had called. While his teammates moved to the right, he went left, where he was swallowed up in the snarl of onrushing linemen.  No one expected him to make a touchdown. Even running the wrong way was understandable. But there was no excuse for a quarterback without shoes. No excuse for a quarterback not ready to help his team to success!

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Are you prepared?  Are you prepared to help yourself? But the bigger question is:  Are you prepared to help others?  Are you ready to pass the ball of life and make a difference?  Recently I have been thinking about my life and the things I have done, things I have not done, things I’m prepared for and the things I am not prepared for.  Am I prepared?  I have decided that when I finally depart from this life and I arrive at the pearly gates that  I don’t want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car, wearing beautiful tailored clothes with my hair expertly set and with long perfectly manicured fingernails. That is definitely NOT me!  I want to pedal up to the pearly gates on a beat up three-wheel old bicycle (not sure I can balance myself on two wheels anymore), with a basket of things to share with others.  I want to be wearing a pair of grass stained worn-out shoes from playing with my great-grand kids on their swing set.  I want there to be a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbors children.  I want there to be a little dirt under my fingernails from helping my family plant a garden.  I want there to be children’s sticky kisses on my cheeks and the tears of family and friends on my shoulders.  I want my Heavenly Father to know that I was really here and that I really lived. I want to be wearing my life’s shoes! Each one of us has to realize that if we are going to really be here and make a different in this world and really live, it is absolute essential that we do not lose hope and we look to our Heavenly Father for support, guidance and love.  That means … Not losing hope…. Not getting discouraged…. Not giving up!  Keeping our shoes on so we are prepared! And … Serving others!

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This is one of my favorite paintings. The artist is James Christensen who titled this painting “Hold to the Rod.”  The man in this painting is trying to hold onto so many worldly possessions that he cannot let go and grab hold of the rod for fear of losing something. The rod represents divine guidance. He is looking at the rod, but doesn’t have the belief and faith to let go of those material things and be guided to the more important things.

I have found that while riding on the bike that we call life, we tend to collect things that make us feel safer and better about ourselves … comfortable enough that we walk around barefooted.  Even though these things are mere material possessions, they tend to give us a superficial sense of security.  It is only by holding fast to our own beliefs that we can navigate our life with confidence and be prepared for whatever is placed before us.

I am reminded of a speech that I heard presented by Dieter F. Uchtdorf. He began the speech recounting an experience he once had moving a grand piano from one room to another.  He related how a group of men were trying to move a grand piano from a church chapel to an adjoining cultural hall for a musical event. None were professional movers and the task of getting that very heavy piano through the chapel and into the cultural hall seemed nearly impossible. Everybody knew that this task required not only physical strength but also careful coordination. Each man had his own idea of how the piano should be move, but not one could keep the piano balanced correctly. They re-positioned the men several times by strength, height, and age — but nothing worked.  As they stood around the piano, uncertain of what to do next, one of the men spoke up. He said, “Stand close together and lift where you stand.” Together they lifted that piano and moved it successfully. The dictionary defines the word “lift” as “to raise to a higher position or level.”

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At the present, we live in a world full of scary things.  I’m terrified about getting this coronavirus … I am definitely a prime candidate to die from this virus.  I keep asking myself if I have prepared enough.  Thankfully I belong to a church that has all ways taught its members to be prepared.  Yes … I have plenty of “toilet paper”, meds and food! I even have a supply of hospital masks left over from chemo.   In Dexter (my Tahoe) I have my 72 hour backpack that has 50 items to help in any type of emergency.  I use items from it all the time to help myself or others. Need a band-aid … I got it!  Need a rope … I got it!  Need a flashlight … I got it!  Need a hatchet … yep … got that too!  There was this Pilot Club member from the western part of the state who also had a 72 hour pack in her car.  We used to sit with each other and try to out-do each other with new items.  I learned a lot from her … a real survivalist.

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I love this photo … even very strong sturdy trees help each other!  So let me ask:  Are you prepared to help yourself and to help others.  Can you lift yourself and then lift others.  Life is what we make of it and it sure is better with “lifters” around to pitch in and help!  Lifters with shoes on … ready to help our team of family and friends.  I challenge you to take the “7 Minutes to Lift 7 People up This Week” challenge.  You may have to let go of some of those things holding you back … but it will bless you and give you so much happiness this week.  Each day this week, reach out to someone you know who needs a little lift to win this game of life … family, friends, co-workers, peers.  Make the commitment with me to make a difference in someone else’s life and then watch what happens in your own life.  You and whomever you reach out to will feel much better and be lifted up!

Remember “be prepared, keep those shoes on” so you will be ready to “lift where you stand!”

Just saying ….

Broken Shells

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Its been a while since I have posted anything on my blog … but it has been on my mind. So here goes ….  I love visiting Wilmington where my son Paul and his family live.  While there, I always try to visit my favorite place on earth … the beach.  Every year I take my family to Topsail Island, located near Wilmington, for our annual family vacation.  Every morning during our week on the island,  I get up and watch the sun rise.  I set my alarm, look outside to see if its clear enough to see the sun rise, grab my camera, and find a comfortable area to sit and watch.  Every single sun rise is amazing!  Its my favorite moments every day.  It gives me a sense of peace like nothing else.  Another thing we do each day is walk along the beach and look for pretty shells and sharks teeth along the seashore .  

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We even pick up beautiful broken shells. My daughter Kimbo has taught me to appreciate the beauty in broken shells!  We have many jars of broken shells on display in our home.  Even though they are broken and battered, they have beautiful colors and pretty edges and intricate beauty.  Each of us are like these shells. We get tumbled, torn and scarred on our journey called life. In essences, we are all broken shells!  None of us have arrived where we are today completely unscathed or untouched by life situations.  Our battered and broken shells also are a reminder that each of Heavenly Father’s children have a special, unique beauty or talent all their own.  Isn’t it wonderful that we can also help others to see their uniqueness by taking the time to look for the unique beauty in others that are scattered on our path in life.

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In all of my shell searching along the beach, I have only found one small starfish with one of it’s points broken.  It’s still very beautiful.  I consider it as one of my most treasured finds.

I am sure you have heard the old story of an older man walking along a beach who finds a young man throwing starfish back into the ocean.  When he asked the young man why he was doing it … because there were so many laying in the sand and that he couldn’t possibly throw all of them back into the ocean.  The young man replied, “It sure makes a difference to that one!” as he threw another one back into the ocean. A small act of service!

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Isn’t this our Savior’s message to the world.  Love one another!  Serve others! My message is to encourage you to do one small thing that blesses just one someone. It only takes one small act to make a difference! It doesn’t have to be costly … kindness is free! One of our family’s annual favorite service act is serving Thanksgiving Lunch at our local Community Outreach Center.  Knowing that we are helping families be able to celebrate Thanksgiving with their families with a good meal brings us so much happiness.

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One of my favorite quotes comes from a great man, Spencer W. Kimball, who said: ““God does notice us, and he watches over us. But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs. Therefore, it is vital that we serve each other.”  I also love the African Proverb:  “If you think you are too small to make a difference … you haven’t spent a night with a mosquito!”

Another great man, Thomas S. Monson, gave us more insight on serving others. “To find real happiness, we must seek for it in a focus outside ourselves. No one has learned the meaning of living until he has surrendered his ego to the service of his fellow man. Service to others is akin to duty, the fulfillment of which brings true joy.”   Isn’t that great advice!

What you do does makes a difference … you just have to decide what kind of difference you want to make.  Be the “difference maker” in life! It does matter to that one!

Just saying …

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Breast Cancer Awareness Month

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Six years ago on June 19, 2012, my life was forever changed! That was the day when it went from “you have cancer” to “your surgery was a success.”  Six years as a survivor … so far so good!

Unless you have experienced cancer, or another horrible disease, you cannot begin to grasp the reality of the disease. Some days I am amazed that I am still functioning after those very harsh treatments for Triple Negative Breast Cancer. I have had chemotherapy and radiation, felt like death, fought the best way I know how, never gave up, prayed always, worshiped every Sunday, laughed a lot, cried just as much, worried, not worried, mourned new losses, enjoyed life, lived each day to its fullest, and gave the best of me. I have come to love me! I am a new me with a new normal … remember my Plan “D” …or is it “E?”

I have found strength that I once thought was beyond my reach! I have accepted that I am different from many others! I have made priorities and dismissed as much negativity from my life as possible. I have fallen deeper in love with my Heavenly Father and His Son, my husband who is always in my thoughts, my children and grandchildren who keep me going, my family and friends who give me hope, and most of all … life! I have met other survivors who motivate and inspire me! Yes, my life was and has forever been changed since six years ago when I heard those words “you have cancer.”

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October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and so I have been thinking about my life since that day and how many blessings I have enjoyed!  Yes … there are many … and from many areas!  Let me share one of my biggest blessings other than my family.

How a community treats each other says much about who we really are. Respect, compassion, service, kindness and integrity hold our society together. I am so blessed to belong to many communities (my little town, church and family communities) that really care about each other.  Just check out Facebook any day and you will find prayers offered up, good deeds being done, or money being raised for someone in our community.

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I am thankful to belong to such a community … They have been and are a daily blessing!  When I needed lifted there were so many people with acts of kindness for me that touched me in such a way that motivate me to pay it forward as best I can, every single day!

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Here’s the moral of my blog today … we ALL can give compassion, encouragement and hope. So to really spread and honor BREAST CANCER AWARENESS MONTH, let’s all make an extra special effort to lift and bless others with our smiles, our hugs, compliments, and kindness. We can be generous with our time, treat others like they really do matter, and be sensitive to their feelings and their needs.   More often than not, these are things that do not cost money.  Rather, they are gifts of our love, and of our self. Through these simple actions we can ease the difficulties of those we love.  We are all in this together! …So let’s see what we can do! Look around yourself right now and find someone that needs support, encouragement and hope. You have it within yourself to give.   If you want to be happy and to get your mind off your own problems … do something for someone else!   Real happiness doesn’t come from selfishness, but by being selflessness.  Everything you do comes back around.  In life you get what you put in.  When you make a positive impact in someone else’s life, you also make a positive impact in your own life.

ALSO … Let’s not forget to thanks those that help us through our difficult times … They deserve to know how wonderful they are too!  Be the reason someone smiles today … then two people feel better!

Just saying! …

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